I once read a phrase that said: 'you are called to be faithful, not successful.' I remember scoffing at this phrase and thinking: "That’s a fantastic line for someone who’s lazy, I will do both, thanks." If your first impression of that phrase is similar and if you hate the title of this post, I would probably get along well with you. Even so, I have felt a shift in perspective - a freeing shift - that actually makes me appreciate that line in a way that I thought I would fundamentally never be able to appreciate; and I do believe that we have been sold a cheap idea of ambition that can be more hurtful than helpful. Call it maturity, call it Becoming, call it sanctification, call it whatever you like, but I hope that you will hear me out.
Work Hard
I come from an extremely hard-working family. Hard work is arguably the most highly-valued attribute one could possess. This is generational, it goes deep, it defines you and is something you'll take to the grave. So naturally, I adopted the ideology that if I work hard, I would in turn be successful and as a result, experience endless happiness (can you sense the sarcasm?). Well, I did work hard and still do work hard, but my elusive definition of success remains out of reach. And success - whatever that even means - was key to my roadmap to happiness. So, I sit here in what feels like open water with the need to create a new definition of success because I can tell you already, the one I have is not working.
For me and for so many, success is linked to occupation. It is all you hear about in your formative years. You are asked questions about what you want to do when you get older and your guidance counsellor sits you down to determine what steps you need to take in grade nine to reach your occupational goals: get a good job and a good education. Queue post-secondary education. "You will incur debt, but it will be worth it!" - that’s how the story goes anyway. Now that you are a well-educated, hard-working individual, the world will be yours and the doors will fly open. Where did I go wrong then? I have a good job that I appreciate but I have experienced closed doors and this wasn’t what I was sold while I was sitting in my guidance counsellor’s office all those years ago. Was there perhaps something more than my simple roadmap in life that I did not account for that beckons me towards something deeper and more profound than work, ambition and happiness? Of course, there is. But I was not able to accept the truth that my plan was flawed because my plan was my identity - it gave me value because I was seen as ambitious and hard-working. The acceptance of this unravelling of ambition and hard-work came slowly after rejection, complacency, feelings of hopelessness and the realization I have been lied to and sold a cheap dream.
Getting Lost
For a long time, I expected the road to be laid out for me - if I’m honest, it’s still my preference. I don't want to blaze trails and I certainly don't want to put myself out there because what if I get rejected? The neat, trimmed path has been tried-and-true, so what could possibly be enticing about veering off of it with the almost-certain chance of getting lost? I have been lost in the bush of Algonquin without a path - that is not something I enjoy literally or figuratively. Yet, what fun is it to stay on course and not experience life to the full because of fear? Even though getting lost is terrifying, it is also exhilarating and it teaches you much about yourself.
In Liz Forkin Bohannon’s book, Beginner’s Pluck, she says:
"Passion and purpose are not an object of desire or hidden treasure waiting to be discovered. They are a canvas that is waiting for you to get the first splatter of paint on it...if you want to build a life of passion and purpose, you’re best off if you’re willing to be surprised by what it looks like. You might actually build a passionate life doing something that in a million years, you’d never have been able to see coming. And you will never know unless you are open enough to try."
Thank goodness for this pearl. Life goals are not static concepts and we are not static beings. As we change, our passions, priorities and dreams change. We just need to be open enough to allow ourselves to grow.
It is this simple, yet profound, idea that we each have the ability to create our own path, find unique solutions to problems while veering away from the path that is laid out by societal standards. This can give you and I the wings we need to start creating, embracing and seeing life as bigger than our job title. We live in a culture where the most common question is, “what do you do for work?” It defines us, it changes how people view us and it influences how we see ourselves and the world. But at what cost are we willing to give up our deepest desires and hopes for social acceptance? Since our society and the values it holds are not worth it, I hope that the answer is: 'not a lot'.
Do you think that there is more to life than occupation, education, ambition and hard-work? I used to think not. I thought that was the extent of it.
Ambition is a word that lacks any real ambition. Ambition is desire frozen, the current of a vocational life immobilized and over-concretized to set, unforgiving goals. Ambition may be essential for the young and as yet unrealized life, but becomes the essential obstacle of any mature life. Ambition abstracts us from the underlying elemental nature of the creative conversation while providing us the cover of a target that has become false through over-description, over-familiarity or too much understanding. - Whyte
Desire frozen, unforgiving goals, essential obstacle, abstracts us from the underlying elemental nature of the creative conversation, cover of a target..
Through untangling my value with my occupation, I am left with these descriptors of ambition. They appear rather harsh and unforgiving themselves but they also emphasize humanity and our worth beyond what we do and brings our worth back to who we are.
David Whyte also says: "A true vocation calls us out beyond ourselves, breaks our heart in the process and then humbles, simplifies and enlightens us about the hidden, core nature of work that enticed us in the first place." Notice that he uses the word work. Work is not defined solely by occupation. Work can be defined in so many terms - writing, parenting, gardening, creating - work is endless.
You need to eat, therefore you need to work. So work hard and excel where you can. Be useful and provide for yourself and your family. Go to school and do well. But while doing these things, don’t allow a clouded view of ambition or success to take you away from joy or define who you are. You are far more complex than any occupation or salary can define.
You are far more complex than any occupation or salary can define.
Make your own path and do not buy the cheap story that promises happiness only if you work hard enough. Work can be and is joyful. Let's go back to that and find the goodness inside of us that can generate more goodness through our work. In turn, we will create a better world while finding purpose and passion in the process. The path can be gritty and painful; it's not easy but it is worth it. So go, get lost, surprise yourself and do not apologize if your path leads you somewhere that others cannot understand. Let us choose to be faithful over successful.