When Expectations Fail to Deliver
I like to run. Or rather I should say, I run. There are times when I enjoy it but for the most part, it's tiring and frustrating. Why do I do it then? Well, the health benefits of course, but more importantly, running forces me to fight that ever-present temptation to remain within the status quo, avoiding challenges. I have a comfortable life, and if I wanted, I wouldn't have to make myself uncomfortable at all. But running inevitably causes one to enter a space of discomfort where they must will themselves to keep going despite the inner voices. It forces one's mind to overcome the desire for comfort. When it hurts, it's a good hurt (most of the time) and it's the pain of growing stronger and faster. Where there is pain, there is growth.
Where there is pain, there is growth.
I've run two half-marathons in my life. Comparatively, this is rather small to serious runners. But both times I've signed up for a race, there have been months of training involved to prepare. Months of early mornings and tracking kilometres and paces for a two-hour run that you have to pay actual money to participate in. It seems like a lot of work for a free banana at the end - but a lot of people do it so I'm not alone.
It seems like a lot of work for a free banana at the end - but a lot of people do it so I'm not alone.
Each time that I've run the race though, I remember starting to feel tired within the first six kilometres. "How am I going to be able to finish the full 21.1 kilometres if I'm tired already?!", I would curse to myself. I believed that I hadn't trained hard enough to prepare myself enough for the event. But then, queue the small voice inside that said 'of course, you're tired, you're running! If this were simple, everyone would do it.' This voice allowed me to shift my perspective because I went into the race naively thinking that I wouldn't fatigue and because of that expectation I disappointed myself within the first thirty minutes. However, when I adapted, my expectations changed and I allowed myself grace for my fatigue and as a result, I was able to continue because I got comfortable being uncomfortable - I anticipated the fatigue. After overcoming this hurdle, my training kicked in and I finished with a sprint at the end. Allow room for patience through pain and the byproduct will be perseverance.
How our Expectations Drive Our Frustrations
How often do our expectations hinder us from experiencing life to the full because, in our ignorance, 'we know what's best'? Matt Chandler says in A Mingling of Souls that "Really, all frustration is birthed out of unmet expectations, and so is nearly every conflict.” While we continue to live in pandemic-mode, how have your expectations been met or unmet? Have you experienced frustration with the longevity of this crisis or with the decisions that have been made regarding it? While I presume the answer is a resounding 'yes, I have felt frustration', let us take a posture of grace while considering this. My heart hurts for those who have been affected, my heart hurts for the lonely and isolated, my heart hurts for the front-line workers caught in the middle and my heart hurts for the leaders who have to shoulder the responsibility and consequences of their choices. There is no right answer here - and if you think you have the answer, you are deeply misled. This is a complex, multi-dimensional landscape with facets we cannot begin to understand within our mental frameworks and limited perspectives. Grace upon grace for those who shoulder far more of this crisis than I.
Grace upon grace for those who shoulder far more of this crisis than I.
Despite these logical, valid points, it has not shielded me from the very human feelings that I have felt in this season of what feels like a never-ending winter. I'm frustrated because when this started, I expected this to end before now; I didn't expect to wait in lines for groceries or have to wear a mask or not attend my brother's wedding or celebrate the life of loved ones on their birthdays.
But perhaps there is a parallel to the pearl I learned from running my races. While I learned to get comfortable being uncomfortable, feet smacking the pavement over and over, I could perhaps learn to get comfortable being uncomfortable during this time as well. We can't deny the grief and pain that is being experienced, but what if we decided that these are aspects of life that are equally as human and as important as feeling joy? These feelings are unavoidable even in the best of times, so instead of shying away from them, should we not embrace them and expect them as a part of the necessary, full human experience in life that makes it as big and beautiful as it is?
Loneliness, sorrow, grief, frustration: these make up our experiences often in more profound ways than joy and happiness ever could. This too shall pass and warmer, friendlier, sunnier days will come - I truly believe that. But we don't know when or what it will look like. The ripple effects of this will be long-lasting.
In the meantime, I commit to embracing the feelings traditionally seen as negative, I commit to feeling these feelings rather than self-medicating and lying to myself and I commit to giving myself grace. Maybe, with this in mind, I can finish this season well too.
"In a crisis, the inevitable suffering that entails can rapidly make a mockery of the idea that happiness is the proper pursuit of the individual." - Peterson
This is wonderful: "While I learned to get comfortable being uncomfortable, feet smacking the pavement over and over, I could perhaps learn to get comfortable being uncomfortable during this time as well. We can't deny the grief and pain that is being experienced, but what if we decided that these are aspects of life that are equally as human and as important as feeling joy? These feelings are unavoidable even in the best of times, so instead of shying away from them, should we not embrace them and expect them as a part of the necessary, full human experience in life that makes it as big and beautiful as it is?"