Dear Covid,
You showed up at my door twelve months ago.
It was a rather abrupt and unexpected visit.
I had plans to go out, but cancelled them to accommodate you.
Thinking at first if I hosted well, you wouldn't overstay your welcome.
I listened to you, I made room for you, I fed you with my fear and anxiety.
This is what you required to satiate yourself.
I gave you my time, my energy, my attention as you became more and more demanding.
But you dug your heels in and refused to leave.
You put thoughts in my head:
"What if you get sick? What if you can't work? How are you going to pay the bills then?
Covid will crash the economy - are you ready for a recession; even depression?"
Day in, day out, these things you'd repeat.
"When will you leave?!" I would cry.
But you would only laugh an evil, maniacal laugh. "I am here to stay!", you would say.
"And even if you kick me out, the damage is done, you're out of water in a drought.
"I've killed, divided and exposed you - you can't recover, the debt's on you to pay."
Not only would you take my plans, you'd take my heart, my mind as well.
You wanted all of me, you wanted all of my house.
You tried to take us down,
You tried to lock us up,
Yet despite your novelty,
You underestimated our resiliency.
So you spread more lies and all of a sudden Bill Gates was in our life again,
You're a part of "The Mark of the Beast" and you're the forefront conspiracy - what?!
You caused dissension in Christ's Holy Church, His Bride - a most unforgivable thing.
You brought poor company and bad dessert, exactly what an unwelcomed guest would bring.
I can't lie, you have done some damage indeed.
But you forget, this is my house and my soul.
And you can only damage what I allow you to damage.
You are not as powerful as you think, I've made you bleed.
You started to expose my fears, my anxieties and my dependencies.
You showed me how I have misplaced my trust in human-made, fallible systems.
Obsession with systems like money and the economy- that kind of mentality is the enemy.
Because you don't scare me when I know that the seeds you sow are the real foe.
Seeds only grow when you water them, so I starved those and watered the others.
This took away the endless distractions and exposed the hustle culture in my house.
It reminded me that my trust, faith and affection are coveted by One greater.
One who is above economics and illness. One who already sits at my table.
Not only would you take my plans, you'd take my heart, my mind as well.
You wanted all of me, you wanted all of my house.
You tried to take us down,
You tried to lock us up,
Yet despite your novelty,
You underestimated our resiliency.
The lamenting of what was, gave way to what is and is giving way to what will be.
And 'what will be' is good and exciting even if you are still here.
Because I am not waiting for you to leave anymore.
I am not willing to remit further ground and greater losses.
That fear and anxiety you wanted to use against me? It honed my senses and humbled me.
Those seeds of anger you sowed? They grew into introspection and creativity.
Because of you, I started to become more aware of what I truly cared about.
You have made me a more genuine person, someone I no longer doubt.
So, thank you for challenging and humbling me. It was you. It was your rudeness.
It was your discourtesy and your unwelcome knock, ready to celebrate my demise.
But, if it were not for you, I would not be celebrating this year of pain, growth and goodness.
I am the one celebrating now. I haven't been beaten, I've barely been compromised.
Stay or leave, it makes no difference anymore.
That damage that you said was done?
The walls were only fortified. The barracks roused.
You are no match for the strength of the human spirit.
So whether you stay or leave this town, I don't care.
But it's my house that is mine and the space in my mind is no longer yours.
You and your lies are most unwelcome guests in this particular home.
I've swept the floors and tidied the shelves. It's over- it's not me, it's you.
Not only would you take my plans, you'd take my heart, my mind as well.
You wanted all of me, you wanted all of my house.
You tried to take us down,
You tried to lock us up,
Yet despite your novelty,
You underestimated our resiliency.
You have been reduced to what you really are.
A virus of the body, but not of the soul.
And for these things, I thank you.